On James Bond Theme Songs

“Another ringer with the slick trigger finger

For Her Majesty

Another one with the golden tongue

Poisoning your fantasy

Another bill from a killer turned a thriller

To a tragedy”

~ ‘Another Way to Die’, by Jack White

performed by Jack White & Alicia Keys,

from the soundtrack to the movie “Quantum of Solace”, 2008

October 2012 marked the release of Adele's new single Skyfall, about a month ahead of the most recent outing of the silver screens's suave super-spy, James Bond, in the movie by the same name. I just adore theme songs from James Bond films, far more than I ought to, far more than is sensible.

Seriously. Adore them. 

Adele's offering is a worthy addition to that magnificent pantheon of songs and as such was purchased as soon as it was available. It seems fitting then, at this time, to relive the older tunes. I invite you to come along with me.

Dr No (1962): James Bond theme song by Monty Norman

Contains no particular song save the iconic Bond theme penned by Monty Norman. This tune, erroneously used to intro the idiotic and catastrophically unsuave Sam Newman on The Footy Show, sets the tone for the film series. The familiar strains are used in each movie's soundtrack over fifty years, and the four-note "suspense motif" features in many of the theme songs that follow.

From Russia With Love (1963): Theme song by Matt Munro

The new Adele-crooned tune is consistent with the tradition of big voices, big orchestration, and more than a little self importance as first demonstrated so ably by Mr Munro, with this first lyricised Bond theme.

Goldfinger (1964): Theme song by Shirley Bassey

The first of Bassey's four theme songs (five if you count the almost-Thunderball theme - see below). As Wayne "Wayne's World" Campbell would have it, "the babe can really wail".

 Thunderball (1965): Theme song by Tom Jones

Another big Welsh voice, continuing the tradition of Goldfinger in highlighting the villain of the piece. Is there a better musical match for the suave Bond than Jones at his women's-panty-attracting best? Very few I imagine.

The song was actually a late edition to the movie following an edict from the producers that the theme song contain the title of the movie, thus eliminating the original theme from contention. That song? The deliciously titled "Mr Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", recorded by both Shirley Bassey and Dione Warwick. More's the pity.

You Only Live Twice (1967): Theme song by Nancy Sinatra

This theme by the daughter of Ol' Blue Eyes himself. While Nancy cut a reasonable career out for herself (best known for her hit song "These Boots Are Made For Walking" in '66), I'm not certain why they didn't just get daddy dearest to sing the song instead. Nancy had a similar idea, although her query ran in a slightly different direction: the liner notes of the CD version of the 1966 release state that she asked the producers "Are you sure you don't want Shirley Bassey?" No, dear Nancy. You did just fine.

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969): no theme song; "We Have All The Time In The World" by Louis Armstrong

Perhaps it was the first absence of Sean Connery in the lead role that prompted a change in tack with OHMSS - the main titles sequence features a synth-heavy, lyric-less piece (the first theme without words since Dr No), which, while more than a tad funky, was not quite what the punters were hoping for. The instrumental, like Aussie George Lazenby in the main role, would not make another appearance in the world of Bond. 

The alternate theme song, by Louis Armstrong, is iconic and brilliant. Just like everything else Armstrong ever did.

Diamonds Are Forever (1971): Theme song by Shirley Bassey

Oh my giddy aunt, but the lyrics to this are wonderfully cringe-worthy. In amongst songs abounding in triteness, this song, with its funky disco asides and hackneyed lyrics, is cheesier than a double-cheese-flavoured hunk of cheese with a side order of cheese. I can envisage Ms. Bassey having a ball recording this one. 

Live And Let Die (1973): Theme song by Paul McCartney and Wings

When legendary Beatles producer George Martin was given scoring duties on the very, very '70’s Live and Let Die, it must have seemed natural to bring in Paul McCartney for the theme song. It is clear that McCartney was unsure what kind of song he wanted to write, so he wrote several entirely different themes.Then threw the whole lot up into the air confetti style and recorded what came down exactly as it landed. One imagines the Wings troupe smoked much the same elicit substances during the production of the song as Guns 'N' Roses did when they covered the song in 1991. The result? One of the best in the series by a mile. 

The Man With The Golden Gun (1975): Theme song by Shirley Bassey

Shirley Bassey is more brassy than classy in this double entendre laden track, each allusion more ludicrous than the last, inspired by Christopher Lee's eponymous villain of the film. Bassey kept getting asked back to record more Bond themes and one can see why. This song is like a car accident, horrible yet entirely attractive to one's attention.

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977): Theme song "Nobody Does It Better" by Carly Simon

The producers had abandoned the old edict of the theme song being named for the movie. The title is somewhat of a misnomer, as an insipid Bond in Roger Moore inspires an insipid piece of soggy pop pap from Carly Simon. Seriously, Daniel Craig's Bond could take out Moore's with one perfectly defined pectoral tied behind his back.

Moonraker (1979): Theme song by Shirley Bassey.

For Your Eyes Only (1981): Theme song by Sheena Easton

Octopussy (1983): Theme song "All Time High" by Rita Coolidge

The grand ol' dame of Bond themes, the incomparable Shirley Bassey, could not, try as she might, lift the first of a trio of flaccid tracks. A sad way for her Bond career to go out. Easton and Coolidge don't fare much better in the latter two. The themes for these movies seem to match a general lull in the quality of the Roger Moore-lead films they represent. Soft, soft, soft. Meh.

A View To A Kill (1985) : Theme song by Duran Duran

Do yourself a favour, check out the extended version of the film clip of this song on YouTube. The clip is a near-perfect piece of pop-culture pastiche that defies logic and credulity in the most delightful ways. Images of Simon Le Bon being chased around the Eiffel Tower by Grace Jones and several magical floating video cameras quite simply never gets old and very much reminds one of a fever dream following too much late-night Merlot and Gorgonzola.

The Living Daylights (1987): Theme song by A-Ha

The preoccupation with Eurotrash pop continues with Sweden's a-ha. Big song, big hair and mascara by the bucket load. When the producers commissioned this track, they clearly had forgotten that a ridiculous (and geriatric) Roger Moore had been ably replaced by a far more vigorous Timothy Dalton. So glad they did.

Licence to Kill (1989): Theme song by Gladys Knight

Huzzah! The producers swap wanky pop nonsense of the previous decade for a touch of class and possibly the realisation that they had a legacy to protect and cheap pop acts were probably not the way to go. Gladys Knight, sans her Pips, elevates the material far higher than it has any right to be. "I've got a licence to kill, and you know I'm going straight for your heart" almost sounds credible when Knight warbles it. Not quite, but almost.

Goldeneye (1995): Theme song by Tina Turner

Penned by U2's Bono and the Edge (while band mates Adam Clayton and Larry Mullens reimagined the theme for Tom Cruise's Mission: Impossible film), Turner sings the living suitcase out of this one. Definitely another song that protects the legacy of Bond themes admirably with grand orchestral strings and incomprehensible lyrics.

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997): Theme song by Sheryl Crow

Ahh, Sheryl Crow, how do I love thee? Thou knowest how to put together a ripping track, and thou dost so thusly. The partnership with the ace producer Mitchell Froom contributes, no doubt. All killer, no filler!

The World Is Not Enough (1999): Theme song by Garbage

Alt-rock band Garbage provides the theme here, which is anything but. Following up Sheryl Crows jangly guitars with some jangles of their own, delicately balancing retro and modern sensibilities. Lead singer Shirley Manson coos seductively, as all the best Bond songstresses have before her. 

On the flip side of the movie is an alternate theme by k.d. lang. One imagines both themes being commissioned, with only one finally chosen as the main theme while the other is kept, running over the end credits. The right choice was made.

Die Another Day (2002): Theme song by Madonna

By Pierce Brosnan's fourth (and thankfully last) outing as Bond, the film series had completely disappeared up its own fundament. Likewise went the song, a soulless, vacuous and limp song by an artist who is known even less by the substance of her art than is usual in pop music. Put simply, the song, like most by this artist, is not about the music or the lyrics or the art or even Bond, but all about Madonna. A sad travesty that is best forgotten. Scratch that, even better still would be to never have experienced the movie's pathetic theme song in the first instance.

Worst. Theme. Ever.

Casino Royale (2006): You Know My Name by Chris Cornell

A new era, a new Bond, a fresh song. Cornell, of Soundgarden and the Audioslave, is one of modern music's best rock and roll voices. He absolutely kills it. The song hits with the force of a dozen vodka martinis. Its brutal silliness leaves you shaken and stirred.

Quantum of Solace (2010): Another Way To Die by Jack White and Alicia Keys

Jack White is a somewhat self important artist, perfectly fitting as a co-writer of this overlong, overblown piece of magnificence. While not altogether warmly received, it gets my tick as the greatest Bond theme song ever. Raw yet stylish, lyrically and musically interesting. If there is such a thing as an atypical classic, this would be it.

Skyfall (2012): Theme song by Adele

In the Bond movie franchise's fifty year history, this was the first Bond theme to ever win an Oscar for Best Original Song. A worthy entry into the annals, Adele has the overabundance of talent to be a worthy successor to those who came before her. The song makes no sense, so fits the trope quite nicely.

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And so we look to the future of James Bond theme songs. Adele was clearly chosen for the most recent movie due to her ubiquity in the zeitgeist at the time of Skyfall's making, but I'm thinking a return to the qualities that made Jack White a perfect choice as theme writer - somewhat overwrought, a greater sense of self importance than is absolutely necessary and an over abundance of talent. Am I dreaming, or would this task be perfectly suited to Matthew Bellamy and Muse?

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On Who Not To Vote For

By the time next week graces us with its presence, the election campaign will be over. It seems to have lasted for years, a perception perhaps a result of three years of minority government, bitter partisanship and a persistently negative and obstructionist opposition. The Rudd/Gillard/Rudd governments have got plenty right, and more than a few things wrong. Regardless of their shortcomings, voting for Tony Abbott's Liberal Party because you don't like Labor is like eating faeces because you don't like spinach. While running the risk of exhausting an already apathetic and largely disinterested electorate with more political clap trap (although certainly without exhausting the laundry list of important issues facing our fair land), I'm confident I can give you a few reasons why sending your vote to anything or anyone would be better than a vote for Mr Abbott.

The economy seems like it is on most people's list of what's most important. Who will be handling the economy in an Abbott government? Joe Hockey. Nicknamed "Sloppy Joe" in some segments of the Canberra press gallery for his reputed lack of comprehensive knowledge of his portfolio, he frequently appears to struggle through much of the complex discussion regarding economic policy, much like a newly caught fish on a dry pier. When asked recently about the proportion of a new tax on business would go towards the Coalition's flawed parental leave scheme, Mr Hockey initially replied that it would be "100 per cent", and when challenged, stated:

 "Well, it’d have to be at least 50, 60 per cent, 60 or 70 per cent, but I’m not going to speculate...". (more details can be found here)

Wonderful. A clear grasp of the figures required by a responsible treasurer. This is but one example of many.

The fact that Australia made it through the GFC in the incredibly strong state it is in is extraordinary, and thanks must certainly go to the last two Labor governments, not that Mr Hockey or Mr Abbott would ever have the nous, humility, or decency to admit it. The Australian economy is the envy of countries the world over, with higher levels of growth, lower levels of unemployment, lower levels of debt-to-GDP, lower interest rates, you-name-the-economic-indicator, than the vast majority of developed nations.

In part, I blame John Howard. As the 24-hour news cycle emerged, the more politicians required an opportunity to score political points at the expense of their opponents, and quickly. The politics of fear and blame was emphasised more than they ever had before. Mr Howard's lengthy reign as Prime Minister can be attributed to one factor more than almost any other: the creation of a theoretical segment of the populace that became known as "Howard's Battlers", a political notion that became useful in convincing the middle class that they were somehow struggling, that they were poor and deserving of more governmental assistance than they would otherwise have received. This caused an unrealistic sense of entitlement that the frankly wealthy use as an excuse to demand more from a Labor government that is more focused on providing for the less wealthy than those who have plenty. Even now, decent people complain about the levels of capital gains tax they have to pay, a conceit that grates on my inner socialist.

Case in point would be the Coalition's criticism of Labor's "wasteful" government spending in the face of their extraordinarily expensive parental leave scheme which seeks to pay huge sums of money to wealthy women to have babies. That's the Liberal's way though, isn't it? Giving to those who need it least? Other victims of the Liberal’s slash-and-burn philosophy is the recipients of the $4.5 billion of foreign aid over the term of the next government. Mr Abbott argues that this money is better spent looking after the poor at home, as if a) he even cares about the disenfranchised, and b) those two things aren’t mutually exclusive anyway.

Shall we also consider the way the Coalition have flatly refused to release adequate costing for their policies until less than two days before the election? Costings that are very light-on in details at that, not even bothering to include some of the Coalition’s big ticket policies. Mr Abbott and his team speak almost exclusively in slogans and sound bytes rather than in the thorough examination of issues of national importance that we ought to demand. I'm staggered that people in the wider community seem to like being treated like idiots by politicians. Instead of treating those politicians with the disdain they so richly deserve, we vote them in if their slogans do enough to appeal to our baser, more selfish natures.

And then there's the misogyny argument. It's perfectly valid to question the attitude of a man like Mr Abbott who seeks the highest office in the land. David Marr investigated and reported many of Mr Abbott's significant character issues in The Monthly's Quarterly Essay Political Animal: The Making of Tony Abbott (from which an excerpt can be found here). As if the issues of the past were not damning enough, take two recent examples during the campaign: first, while campaigning with a female Liberal candidate Fiona Scott, he chose not to describe her by her abilities, her intellect or her achievements, oh no. He described her first and foremost as having "sex appeal". Add to this the way Mr Abbott describes his OWN DAUGHTERS to the participants of TV's Big Brother program - when he appeared on the show he enthused "If you want to know who to vote for, I'm the guy with the not bad looking daughters . . .'' The implication is not only that the physical characteristics of his family make him more highly valuable as a political leader, but that his family are more attractive than that of his opponent. How absolutely sickening.

As if more evidence of the Liberal Party's underlying attitude regarding women was needed, let's examine for a moment the role of the most senior Liberal woman, deputy leader Julie Bishop. Since she was elected to the deputy position following John Howard's ousting by the electorate, the Liberal leadership has changed twice more and both times she was leap-frogged by her male colleagues and not considered for the role of leadership. That, coupled with her parading in front of the media (with Mr Abbott prodding her from behind) every time Mr Abbott makes a goose of himself with regards to women's issues, suggests her role in the party is little more than symbolic, as a figurehead to make the Liberal Party more palatable to women. It is far from it.

In the event that Mr Abbott is elected Prime Minister and is needing a deputy leader to be acting Prime Minister, the role goes to the leader of the Liberal's coalition partner, the Nationals. Currently, that is Warren Truss, but the man who has made no secret of his desire to lead the Nationals is none other than Australia's own crazy uncle, the wacky Barnaby Joyce. Like Tony Abbott, I am incredulous that these characters represent the best that Australian conservative politics have to offer. Don't even get me started on Mal Brough, Sophie Mirabella, or the truly vile Christopher Pine (remember Mr Pine and Mr Abbott’s mad dash from parliament in order to not fulfill the duties of their office in an attempt to score a cheap political point? It can be found here). At least Malcolm Turnbull has the decency to look mildly embarrassed when promoting Coalition policies.

The level of discourse in regards to the asylum seeker issue is appalling. In an effort to outflank the Coalition on the right, Labor has decided to adopt their distasteful approach to the treatment of the disenfranchised and voiceless, punishing those who would seek asylum instead of those criminal traffickers who take advantage of them. In this regard, Labor's slogan may as well be "vote for us, we're not quite as mean spirited as the other guys".

What of the NBN? It’s expensive, certainly, but it’s bold and big and more forward-thinking than so many political visions we are normally used to. It’s called leadership. In an extraordinarily retrograde move, Mr Abbott and Mr Turnbull espouse the view that the copper wire many of us are using should suit us just fine. After all, we didn’t need that new-fangled internet thingymagig in the 1950’s and we did just fine, right?

I could go on with a considered defence of policies such as the mining tax and the carbon tax, but if the polls are to be believed, these things will be a thing of the past very soon, and more's the pity. It is said that Australians demand services like Norway while being taxed like Greeks. It's a pipe dream. We've lost a spirit of sacrifice and community. We are more concerned with what the federal budget might offer us, what we can get for ourselves, regardless of whose expense it is at. 'What's in it for me?' should be our new national slogan.

Certainly amongst the most selfish players in this election campaign must be Rupert Murdoch, the man who has rejected his Australian citizenship in pursuit of unimaginable riches overseas, all the while doing his level best to influence Australian politics by the way of his tabloid press in favour of his lapdog, Mr Abbott. His reasons are patently transparent: Labor’s NBN threatens the profits of his Foxtel TV network. One thing is guaranteed in the next few years if Mr Abbott becomes Prime Minister is that Mr Murdoch’s obscene grip on the media in Australia will go ahead unthreatened. As if there were not enough reasons not to vote Liberal, I think it is prudent not to, simply because it’s exactly what Uncle Rupert wants. 

Don't vote Liberal this election. Please don’t. That's not an endorsement of the Labor Party either. Funnily enough, I won't be voting for them either (one of my dear friends refuses to vote Labor because they are too socialist; I don't vote for them because they are not socialist enough). Labor has been quite the shambles for the last six years, but never has it been as backward or nasty as the Coalition promises to be. I will direct my own preferences Labor’s way after the parties I feel deserve my primary vote more, as I want my vote to count as much as it can, even in the face of what is likely to be a horrible defeat for the current government. I will do my best to cope with the gloating of those who accept the Coalition's pathetic attempts to elicit the nation’s vote, as if somehow those efforts are enough. And like Australia, a small piece of me will die, just a little.