On Predictions, part 1

“Well I'm heavenly blessed and worldly wise,

I'm a peeping-tom techie with X-Ray eyes,

Things are going great, and they're only getting better,

I'm doing all right, getting good grades,

The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades”

~ ‘The Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades’ by Pat McDonald

from the Timbuk3 album “Welcome To Timbuk3”, 1986

I tend more towards cynicism than critique.  It takes far more effort to present an argument that allows you to be measured, intelligent and knowing than to roll your eyes with indifference.  Arguing with those you feel are wrong is, in my experience, rarely a successful exercise and I find little comfort or enjoyment in confrontation.  And besides, other than the nature of opinion being highly individual, who on Earth am I anyway?  My opinion is not nearly as valuable as I would hope it is.  Neither is most other peoples.  I write this to offer context to what follows.  I take no pride in being critical of other’s work, and my motives are the selfish fun I find in attempting to eviscerate something that is just plain dumb.

Between Christmas and New Year’s 2010 I read a laugh-out-loud article from a lift-out magazine in a weekend newspaper (and while it can be found at http://tinyurl.com/6dnpfqs , I really don’t recommend you bother - I’ll put direct quotes in parentheses and italics for the sake of clarity).  It purported to predict some of the trends and events of the coming year by those whose opinions are apparently worth listening to.  The apparently high value of their statements has a lot more to do with the gullibility and propensity for people to not engage their brains when they really ought.  Those that believe that the bulk of these prognosticators have anything of substance to add to society must be the same folk who believe that A Current Affair and Today Tonight have anything more than a passing resemblance to hard-hitting journalism.  It pains me to know that they are out there.

I find that I can’t lay the blame completely at the feet at the ‘experts’ quoted here.  They may very well be bright and learned individuals, albeit people whose personal ethics (or lack thereof) allows them to take advantage of others.  I prefer to lay blame at the writer and editors who not only decided it wise to garner the opinions found in the article, but to publish them as well.  To be fair, there is a lot of disposable, ‘junk’, filler content in many periodicals over the holiday period, as it is with TV.  I imagine that these kind of articles are not much more than an attempt to fill pages that not many are likely to read, let alone care about.  I can easily imagine a writer weighing up the deadline pressure against spending Christmas time not working and opting for the latter.  I’ve been there.

I shall proceed regardless.  Names are withheld to protect the moronic.

The first nuffer out of the gates is an astrologer.  Astrologers are those who believe that celestial bodies moved about by forces easily explained by basic physics, millions of kilometers from human beings, somehow have a bearing on activities here on Earth.  That they even have an effect on our personalities and futures.  Despite the dark ages being a fair while behind us and education being well more common than not, people still think these are viable opinions.  We are told that the “shift of Uranus into Aries” and the “continuing drama of Pluto in Capricorn” means that people will dress in more vibrant colours, wear their hair longer, and that it is a good time to be a female artist.  I was hereto ignorant of the dramas being experienced by Pluto.  I suppose its demotion from planet to planetoid is having more of an effect than NASA ever dreamt.  

I would like to suggest that the increasing expected transparency from governments predicted by our astrologer has less to do with the “Uranus/Aries relationship” and more to do with Julian Assange.  Furthermore, while I think a “mass spiritual awakening” is a lofty goal, I would settle for idiots being given less attention by popular media.  The belief of the astrologer that “2011 marks the real beginning of the 21st century” merely makes me want to give the poor lass a calendar and an abacus.

Onwards we go.  I can think of few bigger insults than to be called a fashionista, in no small part because the world of fashion seems to me to become increasingly indulgent, excessive, and shallow with the passage of time.  I’m absolutely in favour of the arts in all forms, even that which often can be viewed as controversial or offensive or difficult for me to understand.  However, I’m mildly offended by those in the fashion ‘industry’ who believe their more ridiculous ‘creations’ are things of intrinsic value.

The second of our ‘experts’ is a university-employed member of the fashion industry.  This person feels a trend towards “investment dressing”.  That is “buying less and making our purchases count”.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but is this not more akin to common sense?  Why aren’t people doing this already?  Are they going to stop shopping for clothes like idiots?  Can we expect A Current Affair’s ratings to drop in equal measure?  Where she really loses me is at the suggestion of “overalls, jumpsuits and playsuits”.  Playsuits?  I must have been away from school the day they explained the value of whatever the heck that is.  And no, I will not be wearing “head-to-toe camel”.  By the way, camel is a four-legged desert-wandering animal, not a colour, you vacuous twit.

That’s quite enough for now.  I will simmer down a bit now.  Next week, I’ll delve further into the nonsense that I found in this pointless article.