“It’s my own design
It’s my own remorse
Help me to decide
Help me make the most
Of freedom and of pleasure
Nothing ever last forever
Everybody wants to rule the world”
~ ‘Everybody Wants To Rule The World’, by Orzabal/Stanley/Hughes
from the Tears For Fears album “Songs From The Big Chair”, 1985
This world is seriously broken. I’m not sure many would dispute that. Here are just a few ways that we can make the world a better place. Mostly it can be improved by ridding the world of things that bug me. Here are some of them:
What they should do is change the premiership points system for teams playing in the AFL. As it is right now, during the season proper, the winners of each game are given four premiership points. The loser gets none. If it’s a draw, two points each. The points are tallied as the season progresses and that measure is primarily used to determine where teams finish on the league ladder, and hence, who plays in the finals. This system is all well and good, except for one detail: it’s impossible to score either one or three points for a game. So why a total of four points for a win? Why not two for the win, one for the draw, like the NRL use? Exactly the same result, with a little more common sense involved.
While we’re at it, I further propose the instant retirement of any footballer who, after a finals match (where no premiership points are awarded) makes the following banal and clichéd statement: “We’re just happy to get away with the four points.” And yes, it has happened before.
What they should do is put ads on the TV, radio and newspapers that clearly explain the Westminster system of government, because it is clear that a fairly large segment of the public-at-large haven’t a clue how it works. I say that because I’ve heard statements like “Julia Gillard isn’t my Prime Minister/the Prime Minister I voted for” way too many times. Let’s get a few facts straight, using small words so the knuckle-draggers can follow along at home: One actually votes for an individual who will represent them in the Lower House, or House of Representatives. Many of these representatives, or Members of Parliament (or even MPs) belong to parties, who then select a leader. If their party holds the majority of seats, the leader of the party becomes the Prime Minister. He or she then notionally holds the highest political power in the country. OK, longer words than I planned for, but let’s face it, the knuckle-draggers aren’t reading this anyway. Or, in fact, reading anything.
Repeat after me, it does not matter which party you voted for. It doesn’t matter if you agree with their politics or not. It doesn’t matter if the parliamentary numbers are really, really close, resulting in a hung parliament. Whichever party has the ability to form government selects the Prime Minister. They can select anyone they want. They can change their minds mid-term and select someone different. The parliamentary opposition can likewise pick its own leader, the potential alternative Prime Minister. Something the conservatives among us also seem to forget is that since 2007, the Federal Liberal party have had four different leaders. That number may even been as high as five or six if former MP Peter Costello had some cojones or current MP Joe Hockey had a clue.
A quick note for those who don’t like Julia Gillard much: While it’s true she is not a particularly inspirational leader, the alternative in Tony Abbott is surely much, much worse. He’s without a doubt the most flaccid, uninspiring, vacuous, unimaginative, unimpressive political ‘leader’ (man alive but I’m using that term loosely) this country has ever seen. It’s sad we don’t have a better choice when it comes to political leadership in this country. I’m reminded of the poll taken in the USA prior to the 2000 presidential election contested by Al Gore and George W. Bush. The poll showed that the man the respondents most wanted to take office was the fictitious Jed Barlet (played by Martin Sheen) from the television program The West Wing.
What they should do is make defensive driving courses compulsory for all drivers, both prior to getting their license and, say, every ten years thereafter. It’s a no-brainer, really. I’d also be happy for driver’s licenses be banned for anyone who wants a car that is able to go more than 300 km/hr over the legal speed limit, hangs fluffy dice from the rear-view mirror, and believes that shiny tracksuit pants constitutes ‘smart casual’.
What they should do is put counter-ads on TV that run straight after those daft ads created and paid for by the mining industry. You know, the ones that suggest that just because the mining industry employs some nice people (“Look! This guy we hired was a refugee! Aren’t we wonderful?), that somehow they are warm and fuzzy corporations, existing solely for the benefit of mankind. They are in fact commercial enterprises that are in the business of making mind-blowingly massive profits and would sell the kidneys of their employees, and that of their families, if such things were legal and would increase those profits. Let’s keep in mind, that for every dollar those companies pass on to stockholders (including future superannuants), there is an owner or major stockholder or CEO or executive earning an obscene pay cheque. I particularly recall mining magnate Gina Rinehart whining loudly about being a target of an entirely fair tax on super-profits while BRW was naming her Australia’s richest woman with a net worth of $10.31 billion. That is billion, folks.
Same goes with those inane ads decrying the carbon tax. They aren’t really ads by concerned and altruistic citizens with considered opinions on serious matters of policy, they are carefully designed and scripted by businesses that pollute and don’t want to pay for it. They are mortified that their lofty bank balances may evaporate. One of the best political quotes ever came from former PM Paul Keating who said: “In a two-horse race, always back self-interest, because at least you know it’s trying”.
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Yep, the world needs some work. Clearly, I’m just the man to do it. There’s more I’m planning, plenty more, but I’m saving that for next week. Tune in again, to find out what else I’ll fix once I’m in charge.
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